Photons Carry Light
by Wrappedupreason
Summary: An anomaly arrives causing emotions to arise.


_**All characters and their integrity owned by the marvelous Gene Roddenberry. Voyager is nothing of my creation and I only used their integrity and stories to build this work of fiction. The storyline is written and evolved by me; however, the names and structure are not of my volition. **_

_**Photons Carry Light**_

Janeway lit a cigarette in her ready room and leaned back in her chair. Voyager had been stuck in this expanse of space for weeks now and she succumbed to guilty pleasures. She inhaled deeply and exhaled with a coy smile of satisfaction. Her crew had been restless and bored, and possibly, infected with cabin fever finally. How it hadn't happened sooner was beyond her. Janeway felt more inclined to think her crew viewed this as an extended away mission, but it was her fault there were here in the first place. She took another long drag of her cigarette trying to inhale her fears and doubts with herself and exhaling the guilt, but it never worked. She was the reason her crew was so desolate and stuck here.

She sat up and walked to the window touching it and felt nothing but glass. The glass was the only thing keeping her from being in the void of space, but what was keeping her from becoming Kathryn? A myriad of obstacles. An abysmal commanding presence on the ship and an informative one at that. Intimidating to say the least. She put her cigarette out and instantly lit another one when she heard the numbing sound of someone at her door.

"Enter" she said inhaling deeply.

Chakotay walks in with slightly less swagger than his normal walk.

"If I weren't aware of us being trapped in this, I'd think our ship had flown into a dystopian novel."

Janeway smiled and sat down on her couch propping her elbow up and inhaling again.

"If I weren't aware of the ramifications of this, hopefully, temporary downtime, I'd think Voyager had flown into my late teens." Janeway said with her eyes gazing half-hazard into Chakotay's.

Chakotay walked towards her only to stoop down as to be level with her.

"Where in the galaxy did you find those?" He asked pointing to the cigarettes which went extinct some decades ago.

"I have my ways." She curled her lip up.

"May I have one of those, Captain." He added.

She smiled, "smoke if you got 'em."

He sat down next to her on the couch and they sat in silence indulging in unhealthy non doctor approved activity of smoking seven-year-old cigarettes.

"You know, I expected to be back on earth earlier than this. Even when we first got stuck here. I have expected every outcome that has happened to us. I am at a loss as to how to help my crew. Chakotay, I'm the reason they are here. Here in this part of space that has no stars."

Chakotay contemplated this statement while also looking for an ashtray.

"Oh, just put it on the floor what's the point." She said while eyeing a selective spot on the carpet that was covered in ash.

"Captain, this isn't your fault, and keeping yourself from happiness isn't healthy for you or your crew." He leaned trying to make eye contact with her, but knew she was shielding herself from everything. Possibly wanting the silence to swallow her whole.

"It is." She said pinching the end of her cigarette out slightly wincing with the burn.

Chakotay knew there was nothing else he could say to her to ease her guilt. He sat there watching as she stood up and started pacing and forgetting he was even there. She did this often, especially when she manifested her demons to dance around in her head. He wanted to help, he wanted to make her whole again, but it wasn't his place.

He stood up, also smashing his cigarette on the carpet burning the fibers and grabbed her hand to stop her pacing.

"Kathryn." He said forcefully trying to catch her attention.

She stopped pacing and grabbed his hands and paid him full attention.

"You are my best friend. Please use this time to lift the weight off your heart. I would follow you to the Alpha Quadrant and back to the Delta." He let go of her hands. She was truly his best friend, and closest person to him on the ship. His conversations and love for Kathryn went deeper than lovers or friendship. He would follow her wherever she commanded, and he had come to terms with that since she and him were stranded together and he was holding her for the first time. Arms tight around her small waist in protection and comfort. It wasn't him though, she loved him too, but it wasn't for him. He knew that loving someone meant loving them regardless of who they choose. Someone you can dream about at night and wake up still trying to grasp at that dream. It meant only that he was there for her. Wherever. Whenever.

Janeway could possibly feel this tension and was remembering those quiet wordless hours spent on the planet her and Chakotay were stranded on. She wondered why it couldn't have just been him and her forever, but there was something missing. As much as she loved him, she wanted something more invigorating. Like smoking a cigarette after years of quitting.

Chakotay gave her a nod and left her ready room. She watched even after the doors had shut. She knew what he meant, and she wanted to return the affection, but she couldn't. Those hours spent with Chakotay alone truly showered her with daydreaming worthy memories. She couldn't help but think if he was remembering it too.

"nonsense." She uttered to herself starting to pace again around her room. It seemed incredibly small suddenly, so she braved going onto the bridge to check on how the nothing was going.

"Status." She said, a little huskier like than normal.

Kim stood staring literally off into space not hearing her.

"Status!"

He heard her.

"Captain…. I apologize I was..."  
"It's quite alright Kim, it's quite alright…"

"Nothing new to report. We are still navigating through this…. whatever…" He trailed off not making sense and not recognizing he was addressing the Captain.

Janeway understood where his mind was. He was the only one at the helm, working an extra shift possibly just to try and distract himself from the emptiness outside the windows. Him and Tom usually were scheming up another prank, and as much as she found those pranks childish and unnecessary, she hated seeing him so disconcerted with his present position. Kim was the type to enjoy any time on the bridge.

"Harry."

"Yes Captain."

"Go take the rest of your shift off. Go to the holodeck and find a beach." She said smiling.

He hesitated to find a response and then simply replied with an, "Okay."

She watched him leave and then was left alone on the bridge, a rare commodity. She wished something would happen, something would go wrong even, or someone would come and keep her company. Someone she wanted to keep her company for a long time. Someone whom she longed for and couldn't even look in the eyes without having to look away.

"Seven to Janeway."

She jumped in her seat.

"Yes Janeway here."

"I require your assistance in the astrometric lab at your convenience."

Kathryn sighed and then responded with a prompt, "Be right there."

Tom was entering the bridge when she said:

"Janeway to Paris."

"Paris here." He said mockingly clapping his badge

"You have the Bridge."

"yes Ma'am"

She headed down the corridors toward the lab where Seven did the work that made her the happiest.

Janeway entered the lab to find Seven's slender figure outlined with a bright background of lights of blinking monitors. She smiled at the sight and then caught herself feeling that lift in her spirits at the sight. Regaining her bearings she stepped toward towards the now young woman.

"What is it, Seven." She said rather harshly. _Was it on purpose? Why am I being so harsh?_

"I have found an exit in this void. I require your opinion." Seven said matter of fact like and in that mono toned voice Janeway enjoyed. It wasn't the way she said words, but when she said things that weren't often heard from her beautiful mouth.

"Well what is it then." Janeway said sidling next to her watching the monitor instead of Seven's face.

"It appears we might be reaching the end of this portion of space soon. The readings I am receiving from my modified communications are indicating signs of another planet less than one light year away. It would seem we are close to….at least… closer… to finding the end."

"Well if it were two light years, I would be worried." Janeway laughed crossing her arms and swaying to look at Seven.

"You are acting amused at my findings. I am unsure as to why."

"Seven of Nine, I am teasing you. I find these readings important and informative. Thank you. How long until we reach the end of it."

"Approximately fourteen days. We should inform the crew and prepare for what might be at the other side." She said placing her hands on the devise gently but also warily. "Did I disappoint you, Captain." She added.

Janeway contemplated this statement far too long. She stood bracing the edge of the computer sighing heavily trying to find herself. Find herself within the dark void that had capture this ship and her own personal ability to rectify what she had done.

"Captain."

Janeway came out of the revere she was in and looked up at her.

"No, Seven you did not disappoint me. You have never disappointed me, and you never will." She hung her head, so her hair fell across her face. She wished she had brought her cigarettes with her. Smoking with Seven could have been a rite of passage for a young Borg trying to find her humanity. Smoking was a weakness and an insult to the doctor and yourself, but the idea of Seven grabbing one out of her hand and inhaling made her think she might say resistance is futile.

Seven placed the device she was using on the edge of the computer and turned towards her Captain. She eyed her suspiciously. What was the Captain saying? None of it was logical.

"Captain…"

"Kathryn. My name is Kathryn." 

Seven felt a thrill at hearing her Captains name. It filled her with emotions unknown and her belly began to feel fluttering.

Janeway straightened her body and fully faced Seven of Nine.

"What will you do if we find our way back to Earth."

Seven thought for a second.

"I think you mean _when we_ find our way back to Earth. Not 'if' "

Janeway then looked Seven straight in the eyes. They were so blue. She couldn't remember them being so blue. She moved closer to her so Seven was almost standing over her while she leaned on the computer.

"That is a positive way to spin it."

Seven felt the electricity fire up and down her body and still was unsure as to what she was feeling.

Feeling careless and abandoning all reserves Janeway leaned into Seven.

"I almost feel at home here in the Delta Quadrant."

Every time they had locked eyes Janeway had felt guilty for whatever it was she was feeling. Seven looked at her contemplating the feelings she felt swelling in her chest. Remarkable! Is this that human emotion Harry Kim always spoke about? She wasn't the one to succumb to human emotion easily. Eating and laughter was hard for her still. What was this with the Captain? Janeway was still looking into Seven's face for recognition. Or as B'Elanna had said 'reciprocation'

"Kathryn. I am feeling something…that you have not explained to me. Why is it you are so close to me and what is this I am encountering?"

Janeway was struck wordless.

"Paris to Captain."

She stood up straight as if someone had caught them.

"Janeway here." She said roughly.

"Please come to the bridge I might have some good news for us."

"On my way." She said happy to have an excuse to leave.

With one last look at Seven who nodded as she left the room, Janeway marched to the bridge with authority and a deflated sense of self-worth. _Why is it her. I don't understand. _

Chakotay caught up with her on the way to the bridge. He could feel the palate of her longing just from the aura around her.

"Captain, Tom says he might have some good news for us."

"Yes so I'm told." She said almost disregarding it completely.

They continued their way to the bridge in silence.

Upon arrival Tom spun happily on his heels to greet them both, but also upon seeing his Captains face he gulped and continued. He didn't want to lead her to false data of getting out of this portion of space.

"What is it, Tom. "

"Captain I've found life forms almost 3 light years away from our ship. I believe we will find the end of this part of space for good once we reach it. Probably take about three weeks but what the hell, at least we have something to look forward to."

Janeway chuckled, wondering how Seven of Nine would react to this news that was a less correct version of her own findings.

"Yes, Paris. I was aware. Seven beat you to it." She smirked and watched as Tom pursed his lips and grabbed his hair in defeat.

"Damn borg."

"She would love to hear you say that I'm sure." Janeway chuckled. "And her readings were one light year away. I'll take my first option just to _get the hell_ out of here." She laughed more. Tom pursed his lips and then chuckled too. Chakotay stood silently watching Kathryn laugh for the first time in days. He knew what was going to make her happy, but she would never admit it to him.

Janeway started walking towards her quarters trying to find the will to be tired enough to sleep before she found someone standing next to her.

"I require your presence Captain."

Janeway stared at her wanting to find words to tell her to leave and go regenerate and instead she said, "My name is Kathryn. You can call me Kathryn when we are alone."

"I would like to discuss something…with you."

"Well then let's discuss it." Kathryn sighed leading Seven into her quarters.

This was the first time Seven and her had been alone in such a confined space with a closed door and it made her highly nervous. She started to feel that numbness of conflict inside her chest.

"Please…. Sit with me."

Seven sat down on her couch close, but not close enough for any touching. The tension in the quarters was heavy. Kathryn didn't know what direction to choose. Leaning over and confessing her love was out of the question, despite it being exactly what she wanted to do. She was so old and Seven was so young and beautiful.

"I am having difficulties with my human emotions. I…. tend to feel overwhelmed when I am near you... I forget things… It is illogical." She looked towards the ground and Kathryn's eyes widened. Here it was, the moment she had been wanting to happen, the moment she had been wishing would finally come about. She couldn't though Seven was a part of her crew. In order to continue being the Captain her crew relied on; she couldn't share this desire with Seven.

"I understand." Kathryn said. Here it goes. "I think what it means to be human involves a lot of confusion. I too have these symptoms when I am around you…. but I also must keep a professional outlook on this…. Whatever it is." It hurt her heart to even say it, but she couldn't compromise her career or crew with being distracted by someone as beautiful as Seven. Janeway shut her eyes tightly as she spoke not wanting to see Seven's face.

She looked up into her eyes and couldn't look away.

"Captain this is the human emotion I am experiencing." Seven looked at Janeway.

As they continued to feed the silence with unsaid words a bright colorful nebula suddenly manifested outside the window of her quarters. Its colors were swirling and mesmerizing and both women found themselves tearing their gaze towards the phenomenon.

"Captain we need to"

"Chakotay to Janeway"

Kathryn had temporarily forgotten that she was even the captain of a starship.

"This is Janeway go ahead."

"We need you on the bridge."

"Be right there."

Her and Seven stood up awkwardly trying to gather their emotions before interacting with the rest of the crew and taking an extra moment, Janeway reached out and grabbed Seven's hand and led her to the door never wanting to let it go.

Suddenly the ship dropped as if a wave crashed on the shore and almost knocked them both to the ground. Seven caught Kathryn and in sheer panic she held onto her.

"Chakotay to Captain we need you on the bridge!"

She let go of Sevens hands and pulled herself up from the ground and exited her quarters closely followed by Seven of Nine both breathing heavily while also finding it hard to walk due to the ships quaking.

Janeway arrived on the bridge with Seven.

"Captain it's this Nebula it's not a normal nebula. It is made up almost entirely of Tachyons." Chakotay said, while also eyeing the two who just entered the room with a considerable flushed, and while the situation was dire, he couldn't help but give a slight smirk to Harry who also tried to hide his smile.

The ship lurched again and Janeway found her way closer to Seven.

"Shields up red alert!"

"Captain, it seems we are having abnormalities throughout the ship." Tuvok took his station on the bridge arriving closely after them.

"Full power! Get us out of here Tom!"

"I'm trying Captain, but it is still pulling us in." Tom was working to try and balance the ship while also prying Voyager away from the nebula.

"Tuvok, what else is in that nebula?"

He disregarded this question while trying to identify the situation from a logical standpoint but there was none.

"Decks twelve and thirteen are taking damage Captain." Tuvok responded. "And it seems the nebula is self-made. Recently."

A spark had begun to spiral in the center of the bridge. Everyone became transfixed while the ship stopped shaking.

"Kathryn…there is a voice emitting from this…anomaly." Seven began to walk towards the spiral that started to move more erratically. The lights made dancing motions all over the bridge like light reflecting on water or trees moving in and out of the sunlight.

The crew on the bridge stood silently- all of them entranced by the swirling mass growing into a larger entity

"Seven! Stay back!" Janeway moved forward and grabbed her arm tightly.

Everyone on the bridge had noticed Seven's usage of the Captain's first name and they saw the way the Captain grabbed Seven's arm.

"Kathryn... can you hear her?" Seven moved her hand around towards the swirling light as if trying to capture moonlight in her hands.

"Torres to Janeway."

Janeway walked towards her Captain's seat trying to conceal the emotion that played out in front of her crew.

"Yes!" she said letting go of Seven's arm and remembering everyone watching.

"The warp core is shutting down. I can't counteract- "

B'Elanna's transmission cut out and the lights flickered off.

The nebula on screen was coming closer while the bridge continued to slow and rise with the wave of strength that was correlating with the blur of this alien encounter.

Janeway started to try and move closer to Seven. "Seven of Nine to your station now!" She growled

Time seemed to slow and the area surrounding the anomaly pulsed and Seven walked towards it in a trance.

"Kathryn I can hear you." Seven placed her hand into the sparks and Voyager plummeted like hitting turbulence.

Janeway forced herself off the leaning position she was holding against the Captain's chair.

"Chakotay! Stop her!"

He was the closest to her and instantly knew the urgency in her voice that this was what he was going to sacrifice. If it took stopping the Borg from hurtling herself into the unknown- he would do what he could to make sure Janeway wouldn't hurt, because if she did the whole crew would suffer and they might not reach it home.

The red flashing lights stopped and Janeway stood still. Her body felt heavy as if in a dream where you can't move faster if it meant escaping your worst demon. She saw Chakotay move towards the sparks and then- Seven and Chakotay were gone.

She found her throat dry and her hands numb as if something more expansive than the universe whipped her onto the ground and covered her in agony and a forceful despair. Her eyes mimicked the void and she had reached the point of no return with herself within. There was nothing else to do but to find them both- inside of this thing that had taken them from her. She would die for everyone on her crew- but she would torture herself forever if she didn't find them. Bringing them back to her and everyone else on the ship. It was her fault they were here. She recruited Paris and made Chakotay her first officer and B'Eellana her Chief Engineer. She had fought to return Seven to her human form and mentored her into becoming more human and at the peak of Seven's discovery she lost her.

Janeway held her hand across her mouth pinching her eyes shut as they welled up with tears. Something Seven was wanting to feel but only told her in the confidence of silence.

Voyager's lights turned on and leveled out.

"Captain! The warp core is fully functional, and it seems two crew have left the ship. I could…feel something" she said trying to resign herself. "Where is commander Chakotay." B'Ellana waited and didn't hear anything until:

"It appears that Chakotay and Seven of Nine were succumbed to the anomaly as it appeared on Voyager. You are right Lieutenant; two members are not on the ship." Tuvok said.

Kathryn pressed her Comm badge defeatedly. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Captain…the nebula is gone." Tom said, but Janeway couldn't stop staring at the spot her best friends had disappeared to. B'Ellana appeared on the bridge slightly out of breath.

The rest of the crew also kept staring between Janeway and the spot they had gone to. Harry could see the sadness in her eyes and the hurt in her chest. B'Ellana was putting puzzle pieces together in her head. She looked to Harry and then to Tom with a thousand questions running through her mind until she ended up at the conclusion.

"Captain…. we will find them." B'Elanna said crossing her arms almost ashamed to feel emotion but losing Chakotay was detrimental to her health and she knew it and knew that he wouldn't want her to suffer. It didn't stop her from turning towards the exit with tears in her eyes. Tom stood up and walked forward approaching her.

Janeway watched this as if it was a play. The lover and the loved. The things she wanted the most.

Tuvok walked towards Janeway and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Captain…I wish to speak with you privately." He started to lead her into the room adjacent from the bridge.

"Tom! Locate that nebula – Kim go to the astrometric lab and find out what the hell is going on and what the _thing_ was." She was starting to fully transform into the enforcing power of a woman that had gotten her the title of Captain in the first place.

She and Tuvok entered her ready room as she instantly started to pace.

"Captain." Tuvok addressed, "I understand how the…situation seems impossible to overcome…but we will find them if we are able to understand what it was that caused them to disappear into that wormhole."

"Wormhole?"

"Yes Captain I believe what they went through was a wormhole. It is the only logical solution."

Janeway composed herself and then-very-quickly threw her hands on her desk. She slammed down several miscellaneous items and spilt an old cold cup of coffee which clanged against her carpet spilling it into the ashes that were now permanently embedded into her carpet.

"Captain." Tuvok reached down to the carpet. "These are no allowed on away missions and haven't existed on earth in-"

Janeway turned towards Tuvok with a look that said 'do not ask me these stupid fucking questions' before composing herself.

"Well…. I've had them for over seven years now I guess, and I thought today was the time I'd indulge." She opened a bottom drawer and pulled out a small bottle of Irish whiskey.

Janeway felt the only way to figure out this problem she needed to loosen up her mind and find the middle ground between emotions and strategy.

Watching them both disappear was too much for her, and despite Tuvok's Vulcan ability to not feel he could sense the sorrow encompassing the Captain.

Kathryn began to cry trying her best to keep it silent. She braced herself on her desk and then stumbled over to the sofa where she could imagine her and Seven holding hands and could see them locked inside this room forever inside a world where it was just them. Keeping it their own secret. Molding the hours into a special kind of revere that enclosed them together- intertwining their fingers before a first kiss.

Janeway stood there silently starting to cry harder.

"Captain?" Tuvok said bringing her back to the room.

She turned around, blue eyes glossy, before walking slowly for the door and with one deep breath and straightening her back she started marching towards the bridge.

"I want all senior officers in the astrometric lab NOW." With her head held high and fists clenched she took a lift alone. Her determination and anger were welling up and erasing her sorrow for now. It was once again her fault. Her fault Chakotay was missing, she had asked for him to stop Seven. Why couldn't she move? If she had reached Seven it would be her…lost with Seven. It didn't sound so bad. _Stop it Kathryn! You can't abandon your crew…your family… and you won't abandon Chakotay and Seven…the closest to you heart._

The lift opened to the astrometric lab.

Tom, Harry, Tuvok, Neelix, and B'ellana stood awaiting her arrival.

Harry was the first to walk towards her. Harry was the most sensitive of her senior officers- he was empathetic, and he had been following the Captains relationship with Seven. He had even mentioned it once to her…before being curtly shut down.

"Captain we've scanned the area of space where the nebula appeared."

"And Seven's updated scanners could locate it, but we are having trouble gaining access." B'Ellana said with her frustration escalating.

Kathryn started to try and gain her bearings and find where to begin. She started trying to gain access to Seven's computer. She could see the information was there but couldn't gain access to it no matter how many Captain authorization codes she executed. "It seems she made her own…password as to use it with. Maybe she wasn't ready to share this unfinished technology with us yet, however unforgivable to keep it from her superior."

"Either way it could be the piece we need to trace where Chakotay and her went." Harry said.

"Alright." Kathryn placed her hand under her chin thinking. "Okay. Lieutenant Torres I want you in Engineering and I want to have a full diagnostic run on the warp core and why and what made it shut down. Make sure Voyager is able to be fully one hundred percent ready within the least amount of time you can give me."

"Yes captain."

"And keep me updated, B'Ellana." The Captain added pointing a finger at her.

"I want everyone else at their stations ready." She pressed the comm badge on her chest, "This is your captain speaking. I want every single personnel on this ship to be at their stations readying Voyager for finding this anomaly." She addressed the whole crew. She turned on her heels towards the ensign next to her. "Harry you're with me let's try and unlock this…puzzle she has left for us."

She continued to try and find a way through the roadblocks Seven had put up. Harry followed suit and they clicked away in silence trying different ways to use the scanner.

"Harry why would Seven not notify me of this enhanced scanner…. If that's what it is." Janeway said.

"Because she wanted to surprise you." He said while initiating the screen that popped up with a code operation. "and you know the passcode…it's your birthday."

The captain gingerly entered 0520 and access was granted. She smiled widely and looked at Harry who nodded.

"I uh… didn't think the rest of the crew should uh…see that." He shuffled a little smiling remembering the last time he was in this room. With Seven.

"So! Have you finished your upgraded scanner? I did supply the data you needed so I'd like to see what this thing finally does." Harry tapped the monitor looking at Seven.

"I have thanked you for that data ensign, and the purpose of this scanner system can be of use for the entire crew not just for the Captain." She said not taking her eyes off the screen.

"I didn't say anything about the Captain." Harry raised his eyebrows.

Seven stopped and looked at Harry. "I only meant." She stammered in a very un-seven-like-way. She cleared her throat. "I only want to help her return to her home faster… and I seem to find satisfaction in her…approval."

"Seven just tell her how you feel. These things are easier when you say them out loud. Here- try it out on me first as a test run." Harry stood at attention getting a small smile out of Seven.

"Ensign my feelings for you are strictly platonic…a friendship."

Harry laughed, "No I meant tell me out loud about your feelings…for Janeway." Harry nodded.

"I do not fully understand how humans are able to cope with these emotions… or how they arise." Even thinking about Janeway made her stomach lurch, but not in an unpleasant way.

Harry put his hand on Seven's shoulder, "Love has a way of confusing us all."

"Fine." Seven straightened up taking a deep breath. She pictured Kathryn's eyes glancing over at her when they were in the same room. Or when they were standing near each other. That tension she could feel that pulled them closer together when they found them selves alone together. When Janeway had saved her from the collective and she saw Janeway from her own eyes for the first time…she knew. She knew she had felt her first human emotion and that it was big.

"Kathryn… I have strong feelings for you. I have for some time. I have since we met." Seven put her hands behind her back.

"Okay well I think that's a good start." Harry chuckled and he and Seven resumed working.

Captain Janeway breathed deeply. "And I thank you for your discretion, ensign."

"Okay we have access but…I don't read any scanning systems… Captain?" Harry said.

Janeway suddenly realized something. "It's not a scanning system- it looks like it can re-create anomalies such as the one that appeared on the bridge look!" The screen suddenly showed a full makeup of the anomaly that appeared and stole Seven and Chakotay. Janeway's eyes lit up like they did when things were moving in the right direction.

"How would it know about the anomaly before it even happened?"

"I don't think that was her thinking…but regardless we can use this. She can tell us the purpose when she is here with me." Janeway realized she had let that last part slip but didn't care. Harry already knew with that wildly accurate empath radar he had.

"Captain I think it is made up of photons…. but how would carrying light be associated with tachyons?"

"Are they the tachyon readings we first encountered when the nebula came to us?"

"It seems to have some sort of pull on warp core. Maybe it can…maybe…bend time and space? I don't think Seven and Chakotay went far. I think they are in a different level of time. Look." Harry moved over to the computer Janeway was working. "If you target the genetic makeup of this thing if will show you these:"

The bright swirling light was zoomed in and inside the lights were thousands and thousands of small colorful nebulas. Like the one that appeared. Exactly like the one that appeared.

Janeway had a moment of clarity. "I might have an idea on how to bring this back to us." She said enthusiastically as she often did when encountering the unknown.

"Computer state the time this anomaly left the bridge."

"Foreign anomaly is still aboard Voyager."

Janeway and Harry stopped in their motions and looked at each other.

"Computer locate anomaly on Voyager."

"Anomaly is in astrometric lab."

Janeway began looking all around the lab as if looking for a ghost you saw out of the corner of your eyes.

"I can feel something Captain." Harry's flesh was covered in goosepimples and the hair was standing up on end.

A dropping sound startled them from the corner of the lab.

"Commander!"

Chakotay had dropped from nowhere with a body crunching sound.

Harry and the Captain ran over to him. He seemed unconscious but had a pulse. His skin was cold, and he was sweating and shivering like a fever.

"Janeway to sickbay emergency beam out from the astrometric lab."

Chakotay's body left with a glowing blue light.

She stood up and pressed her comm badge. "Janeway to Torres"

"Yes Captain."

"Chakotay is in sick bay go to him and notify me of if he wakes up, I don't want him talking to anyone else first but me. Tell the doctor and nobody is to enter or leave the astrometric lab that's an order."

"Yes Captain!"

Harry moved closer to Janeway

"Computer locate Seven of Nine."

"Seven of Nine is not on the ship."

Janeway's heart sank a little.

"Harry scan this room and shield it off I don't want that thing leaving this lab."

Janeway was feeling around grasping the air hoping Seven would appear as Chakotay had.

Time suddenly slipped and repeated itself. The feeling Janeway had on the bridge she felt now too. Her limbs were heavy, and her words stolen. She tried to call out but couldn't and saw that Harry was immobile as well. He stood solid where he had before this anomaly had taken hold of her body.

Janeway felt her chest get warm and comforted as if next to a fire and her sight left her head. Her consciousness left her body. Was she dead?

_Seven! I feel you! _It felt like her. Nothing else made her feel like this. _I'm here to help you let me help you please._

She was suddenly looking into the astrometric lab from the entryway. She saw a sped up visual of the lab that must have taken fifteen seconds to go through a whole day and it must have been before Chakotay and Seven had disappeared because among the rest of the crew they were filtering in and out as well. Janeway had no idea so many different crewmen had been in there with Seven. All who came in seemed to funnel around the computer with Seven pointing and looking. Was she having them help her? She wasn't one to ask the crew for…help.

The room seemed to stop at one moment with just Seven. She stood in front of the screen clenching and unclenching her fists. She couldn't see her face, but the screen had a picture of an expansive golden field on it. The image made her feel something, but she couldn't pinpoint it. Why was Seven looking at this photo?

Janeway could numbly feel herself falling out of the room. She tried to resist and keep herself this ephemeral passing self, but she kept having heavy eyelids. Her limbs began regaining their feelings. Gravity. Pain. Ache. All came back. Time had regained its normal pace.

"Captain are you with us?"

Janeway could fully see where she was. She reflexed her fingers and sat up. She was in sick bay.

"Captain please lay down don't over-exert yourself." The doctor was running the tri-corder over her torso and then across her forehead.

"Doctor what happened?" She sat up completely disregarding his request. "I gave orders for nobody to go into the astrometric lab OR leave! Where is ensign Kim? I need to…" She growled looking at the doctor who had become very used to the stubborn defiant Captain.

"Captain you lost consciousness. Ensign Kim had you beamed to sick bay I would assume he is still there and didn't leave." The doctor said scoffing.

"I was… out of my body." Janeway said remembering. "and I could see… Indiana! That's it! Seven was staring out into a field in Indiana! Why would this entity show me that?" Janeway realized she had started to ramble. "Doctor has the commander regained consciousness?"

"Commander Chakotay is resting in his quarters. He insisted on some…introspection before discussing his experience with anyone." The doctor walked over to his desk and picked up one of the many pads. "from my medical viewpoint, which nobody seems to listen to anyway, is that the anomaly latches onto an individual's hippocampus. Their own personal experiences and memories. Did you have something like this during your encounter?"

Janeway couldn't really find the right way to tell the Doctor without exposing her feelings for Seven.

"It was more of an…out of body… emotional driven… experience." She said hanging her head down running her hand on the back of her neck.

"Captain you are saying that this entity is an emotional driven sentient being from the past?"

Janeway looked at him with that stern cold face.

"I only meant I need every possible data in order to diagnose you." He raised an eyebrow at her frowned face. "not that you are being outlandish in your experience." He continued to scan her with his tri-corder. "Was there anyone else in this vision of yours among the golden fields of one of the fifty states of America?"

"Are you accusing me of lying about this Doctor?" She was starting to get agitated.

"I am simply asking you a question. It is no secret." He eyed her concerned.

"What secret are you talking about exactly _emergency medical hologram_?" She stood up and swatted away his tri-corder.

He sighed knowing when to resign to defeat. "nothing Captain."

"I need to talk to Chakotay now." She didn't wait for the Doctor to say anything and left sick bay.

She passed some of her crewmen who nodded as she went by. Were they all in on this? Did they somehow know about her feelings? Was she being paranoid? Chakotay must have some answers for her.

She headed directly towards his quarters and knocked rapidly with her fists rather than using the actual button to notify him that she was there.

"Enter Captain." He said.

Chakotay was sitting on the floor and looked up at her. "I assumed it must have been you." He stood up.

"Oh Chakotay." She flung herself at him and held him tightly. "I thought I lost you and it was all my fault. Tell me where you went what happened are you okay?" She looked deeply into his face and placed her palms on either side.

"I'm not sure where I went. I seemed to be lost in a live action memory. I was with my father on Earth. He was telling me to…" He trailed off. "We were talking. I didn't feel anything and couldn't feel my body. I wasn't even sure I was alive." He sat down on a chair folding his hands in his lap and leaning his head down on them.

"Did you feel like you had no control over anything?" Janeway sat opposite Chakotay leaning forward and grabbing his hands again.

"I felt like I could see myself for the first time. Like I could understand what it is I need and want." He said looking off out the window. "The memories we hold can have a terrifying impact whether or not they are happy or sad it seems."

They both sat there in silence and retrospection. Janeway understood completely what he was talking about. Her feelings about home about him about Seven and the loved ones she left on Earth. The grueling years she spent trying to maintain composure and hierarchy on Voyager. The emotions she has been storing year after year. She was the Captain. She needed to be the beacon of hope for her crew. She knew this the moment they became stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

Chakotay could hear his mind shouting at him. Normally a very composed and confident man, in this moment in time he felt useless and torn. He looked at Kathryn and smiled. She smiled back at him almost like she could listen to his thoughts.

"I don't think I am as stable as I make myself out to be Kathryn." He used her first name indicating they were speaking on personal terms.

"Chakotay I don't think any of us are myself included. I think these years stranded out here have done a number on all of us but elaborate. What makes you feel this way. Was it being inside that anomaly?"

"Kathryn I'm not sure what that thing is but it isn't harmful. It's like a guiding hand. My father used to tell me to read the signs in life and they will tell you where to go. I think we should revisit the nebula." Chakotay stood up and put his hands on his hips. "If we can find it." He looked at Kathryn and could tell she had been holding out on asking one question. "Because I don't know where Seven is and I believe if we find that Nebula again it will show us where she is."

Janeway gathered herself and stood up too. "You didn't see her at all?"

"No."

They both stood in silence again until Chakotay walked forward and embraced her in a hug. She let herself become Kathryn and not the Captain for a minute melting into his shoulder and smelling his shirt. He smelled so comforting and like home. She was finding these moments more tolerable and letting her emotions evade her Captain side was rewarding like releasing a valve.

"But from what I can tell Kathryn you already know where she is and only you can help her back." He pushed her in front of him holding her shoulders. She felt so small suddenly.

"Chakotay…. what if I can't bring her back. I don't know where she is, and I don't know how to find her." Janeway started pacing again. She walked over to the replicator, "Coffee. Black."

She held the mug of black coffee up to her chin smelling its aroma and inhaling the confidence it gave her. "I was with Seven in the astrometric lab. She was looking at a field in Indiana on her screen. She seemed frustrated. I could feel her though. Like she was inside me while I was…whatever I was."

Chakotay went over to his dresser and pulled out something in a bundle of leather and brought it over to her holding open his palm.

"Where in the galaxy did you get those?" She huskily laughed.

"A Ferengi on Deep Space Nine had a whole stockpile. I thought where else would I find a place that had actual loose tobacco and papers?"

"Oh god they are so bad for you what would the doctor think." She grabbed one pre rolled cigarette and smelled it smiling.

"He would think we are instable for wanting to poison our bodies this way."

He lit one and then handed the lighter to Kathryn.

"In all my life I never imagined myself smoking in space with one of the Maquis." She inhaled and the nicotine ran through her system with a numbing effect.

"Well I never imagined myself in Space. My father wanted me to embrace more of my heritage instead of science. Turns out… I'm more interested in the unknown. They have a lot in common though the unknown and the spiritual guides. Maybe the stars have been my guide this whole time." He looked out the window into the vast expanse of space marveling.

"I'm not ready to face everyone yet." And as her and Chakotay thought they had a minute-

"Paris to Captain!"

Janeway sighed and pressed her comm badge, "Yes Tom go ahead."

"You're needed on the bridge."

"On my way." She took one last drag off her cigarette and sip of her coffee and was out the door with one last look at Chakotay. "Stay here Commander. Rest. I'll let you know if you are needed until then…don't go anywhere." She smiled and left his quarters.

"Neelix to the Captain." She rolled her eyes "Neelix I am on my way to the bridge what is it."

"Captain I think you need to see this."

She stopped judging whether Neelix had something for her to see or if it was just some flippant observation.

"Okay." She turned around and made her way to the mess hall.

Walking through the entry way she saw the same anomaly swirling in front of Neelix.

"Captain I don't think I will touch it as our Borg comrade did but…. I also felt the rest of the crew shouldn't be aware of its appearance." Neelix backed away towards the empty tables.

The swirling glittering lights seemed to sing to Janeway. A high and jaunty song that wanted to touch her. "Neelix how long has this been here." She said looking at him

"Captain it just appeared and it isn't harming anything so…. I thought maybe you should see it since it was you it wanted." Neelix said.

"What do you mean I was what it wanted." She scorned him and he almost coward.

Neelix frowned but also looked confused. "Captain I am not sure, but it is what I felt I should say…. This thing is forcing words." He shuffled and looked away. "I guess it has taken a hold of me as well." He said feeling in a qualm.

The swirling light started moving around capturing Janeway's attention fully. Its elegance entranced them both. Neelix started to leave and move further into the back of the room but Janeway moved closer. She could hear Seven and others. The voices mingled into her thoughts and the lights started to grasp her being. Where were they coming from? "Do you hear them Neelix?" she asked not expecting a response.

"Captain! Don't touch them." He said advancing on her.

"Neelix stay back! Don't touch me."

Janeway knew she shouldn't touch it, but it was so enticing. Maybe she could leave this ship and find herself with Seven. _No! What are you thinking!_ She stepped away from the lights.

They started to form themselves into something familiar to Janeway. A window. A window that had an expansive golden field on the other sides of the panes. The crop was waving like a hello to the hymn of the wind and the sound made her heart calm. "Neelix please let go."

"Captain! I can't! KATHRYN! You are the Captain of the Star Ship Voyager! You HAVE to be here for your crew!" He pulled her back with as much strength as he could without hurting her.

Janeway fell over landing on Neelix.

She quickly regained herself. "Janeway to Chakotay! To the Mess Hall now!" She pressed her comm breathing heavily.

Seven blinked trying to pry her heavy eyes open. Leaning up with a slight wince, she put her hand to her forehead. She couldn't feel any of her cortical nodes. Looking at her hands they look like normal human hands. Her hair was down, and she was no longer wearing her bio suit and instead was wearing a cotton dress. She liked the softness of the dress and even let a little smile crease on her face. She then started to remember the events that led her to be here. Her and Janeway on Voyager sitting on the couch, the Nebula, Janeway's screams, anomaly that had led her here. Where had this port hole to speak, taken her?

Looking around she was in a golden field almost identical to the one she was observing in her lab. She had no comm badge on her new soft dress which seemed to ripple in the breeze with the wind that caressed the tops of the tall grass. She had never seen a more beautiful scene aside from the ones she found daydreaming about.

Seven shielded her eyes from the sun which felt unlike anything she had ever felt before. Its warmth seemed to penetrate her skin and warm her bones. For a few minutes she just stood there holding out here pale arms up towards the sun. The warmth made her feel similarly as when she was close to Janeway.

She opened her eyes and suddenly remembered again. Janeway, Voyager, nebula, anomaly on the bridge. _Seven don't touch it! _She could hear an echoing version of Janeway's voice. _My name is Kathryn. You can call me Kathryn when we are alone._ Her eyes shining up and the softness of her small hands.

Seven gathered her emotions in an almost shameful way. Was it shameful to be in love with someone of the same sex? B'Ellana Torres had said it had once been tabooed on Earth, but that was hundreds of years ago and the belief had been strongly held up by Church and "small minded assholes" to use her words. Seven's research had taught her that sexually had a wide range of types as well and it fascinated her immensely. However none of her research explained love. It seemed to transcend logic.

She started walking towards a fence that she could make out between the large stalks of grass and followed it until she could make out a house off in the distance. It looked old and wind worn like something she had seen from one of those outdated films Tom Paris showed the crew on occasion.

Seven gently approached the steps leading up to the front door when she noticed she wasn't wearing any shoes. She lifted one of her feet up and saw the bottoms were dirty. It suddenly delighted her- the feeling of walking on the surface without any interference. She could hear footsteps on the other side of the door and tried to peer in through the window that was located next to it. Someone was humming and moving from room to room in the house. From the window Seven was peering into she almost looked like…. her Captain.

"Kathryn! Kathryn!" Seven rapped on the window.

The woman turned around. It was not Kathryn, but this woman had remarkable similarities to her beloved Captain. Her small waist and sharp chin. Her light brown hair and even from this distance Seven could see the same blue eyes she was accustomed too.

Walking towards the door the woman opened it with a confused look but also a smile.

"It happens we do look a lot like each other, but I thank you for the mistake." She chuckled. Now Seven could see she was quite a bit older. There were lines around her eyes and cheeks that grew tighter when she smiled. "Are you a friend of Kate's?" She welcomed Seven into her home and lead her over to the sitting area.

Seven looked around and found a traditional American family home. There were pictures of the captain and her sister as children. Her parents when the first met and a dog that Kathryn was hugging. Seven acclimated to the situation.

"You are Kathryn's mother?" She said as a question but knew it was true. This woman with the kind blue eyes and small waist was her mother. She had the same petite hands.

"Oh honey of course." Her voice even had that same cadence as the Captains. "I'm not sure when she will be home though. What's your name love?" She handed Seven a cup of coffee.

Seven started to once again remember. The anomaly. The bridge. The nebula. What was this reality.

"My name is Seven and I am…. a…close friend of your daughters." She said sipping the dark sour liquid wincing at the bitter but satisfying taste of it.

"Seven huh? What a pretty name. Kat's mentioned you a few times."

Seven seemed to grasp the situation entirely. She must be inside some sort of time structure that inhabited the hippocampus, but instead of showing her memories of her own it was showing her Kathryn's.

"Don't wait too long, Seven. Kat has a way of not leading with her heart and instead with her…. Desire for structure." Mrs. Janeway said with those steel blue eyes she sat her small hands on Seven's knee. "Don't wait too long. She's told me…so much about you."

Seven became uncomfortable and a feeling of tightness and restraint on her chest squeezed her rib cage. She felt this childish urge to ask what it was she's said and everything in between.

"Oh love, it is only good things." Mrs. Janeway said putting her hand on Seven's knee. Leaning back she took a long sip from her cup. "Oh Kat loves dark coffee. She can drink it at anytime of the day and still fall asleep at night. I caught her drinking coffee when she was twelve. She said to me she said, 'mom! I have stuff to do!'" Mrs. Janeway laughed.

Seven laughed as well imagining a young Kathryn Janeway drinking coffee at the age of twelve.

"Honey, she would love to speak to you can you stay for a while?" Mrs. Janeway said.

Seven thought on this trying to remember. Nebula. Anomaly. Voyager.

"I would love to, but I'm afraid I need to continue my journey." She decided for a millisecond whether she should be honest and decided. "I was pulled here from a strange pyramid of lights that shown before your Kathryn and myself and the crew of her starship Voyager. I was pulled through and now I am here. I am unsure as to how to find my way back."

Mrs. Janeway pondered this for a moment smiling slightly to herself. "Seven of Nine. You know how to get back home." She put down her cup of coffee and looked straight into Seven's eyes. "The light from this Sun has traveled 93 million miles to warm your pretty ivory skin. The Sun is a star and it's core temperature is hot."

Seven wasn't sure where Mrs. Janeway was going with this. She already understood the complexities of stars far beyond she did. There must be an allegory reason for her sharing this absolute information with her.

"Photons are the Voyagers of this light. So. What is it that brought you here, Seven of Nine?"

"Janeway to Chakotay!" She pressed her comm badge again. "Neelix go to sick bay!"

Neelix left the mess hall and toward sick bay before he was struck by those tingling sensations one feels when something foreign is nearby. Turning around he saw the once again swirling mass of lights. _No keep walking Neelix just keep walking towards sick bay don't stop_. He started walking away from it while also feeling the pull from it. _What do you want from me! What do you want from us! _He could hear the voices calling him and wanted so badly to join them. He could hear his family and Kes. They all made his heart feel overwhelmed with emotions.

"STOP MAKE IT STOP!'

Janeway ran out and found him crouched in the hallway. "Neelix I think I should escort you to sick bay."

"No need Captain." The doctor approached. "I somehow felt I was needed and came involunatirly."

"Are you also feeling the effects of this thing Doctor?"

"I am feeling something and don't think it should linger. It is not programmed into my data." The doctor helped Neelix forward towards the end of the hallway. "But I think you need to find Seven and find her quick."

"Would you like to rest for a while Seven you seem tired." Mrs. Janeway said standing up and setting her coffee cup on the counter.

"On the contrary Mrs. Janeway. I think I know what I need to do."

"That's what I figured."

Mrs. Janeway smiled at her which reminded Seven of the way the Captain smiled at her in that coy accurate sort of way.

"I thank you for your hospitality. I think I should leave now." Seven made her way towards the door and the all-encompassing field of gold before she turned around. "Mrs. Janeway may I ask you something personal?"

Mrs. Janeway stood with her hands behind her back so like her daughter smiling. "Yes of course dear."

Seven seemed to find her feet an obstruction and shuffled them listlessly.

"What is it that your daughter has said about me and how do you know it?"

Mrs. Janeway laughed and then put one hand on the table next to the couch. She stood up straight and looked Seven straight in the face smiling.

"Because she has told me about you in dreams."

Neelix laid still in sick bay. His face was calm, and the Captain looked at him sadly. Was he feeling the same things her and Chakotay had? Had the rest of her crew felt this as well? Where had this anomaly showed up throughout the ship? So many questions and she had no idea where to start. 

Janeway put her hands over her face in exhaustion.

"Captain I suggest you try and get some rest. Chakotay has also decided to confine himself to his quarters."

"I am NOT Chakotay Doctor!" She yelled starting to storm around.

"And throwing tantrums in sick bay isn't advisable for a Captain." The doctor looked at her sternly knowing that she could easily shut down his program with anger.

Janeway recovered herself quickly while also breathing deeply trying to exhale the anger easier than she could normally.

"I'll be in my quarters…. resting and not dealing with any of this for..."

"For at least eight hours Captain. Rest for eight hours." The doctor said.

"Eight hours it is then." She scorned and walked out of the room towards her quarters. Maybe a bath or maybe some time alone would help her regain sense and meaning. It had been and extremely long day but worrying about everyone was overwhelming. She still didn't have Seven aboard and had no clue as to where to find her. She kept reliving the moments with her and Chakotay. Her and Seven.

She entered her quarters and laid down on her bed with a guff. She couldn't do her job without rest, the fucking Doctor was right, and she couldn't figure any of this out without sleep in her system. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept. Laying down felt foreign but she was exhausted. She shed her Starfleet uniform and put on a nice cotton shirt. _Am I hallucinating? What is that? Can I disappear into it forever and leave this or can I not?_ Janeway started to feel her body become heavy oh so heavy with sleep. 

She was dreaming. She was looking into a window of her childhood home from the porch. Her mother and Seven were sitting on the sofa talking and drinking coffee- that coffee that deeply reminded her of this specific place. Her mother looked as she did when Kathryn was a child. The porch even creaked the same way it had in her real life past.

_Seven! Mom!_ She tried to call out but like it has happened every other time she encountered this particular alien she couldn't speak. Was it showing her this on purpose? Is that where Seven was? Janeway pressed her face up on the glass trying to gain their attention but it was futile. She wasn't in the same realm as them.

_How do I wake up I want to wake up. I don't want to suffer like this please let me wake up_. She clapped her hand on her forehead in a bizarrely stereotypically way.

Seven seemed to see her suddenly. _Seven! I'm here!_ She thought as their eyes locked.

Captain Janeway woke up with a gasp. She sat up and saw the anomaly floating tantalizingly at the end of her bed. _This is it. I need to go_. She pulled herself up on her knees and with deep breath touched the lights and was gone.

Her eyes were shut tightly like a child when fearing the dark and when she opened them it was to an astoundingly bright day. She sat up.

The golden fields she grew up around were all around her. It resembled the many paintings Phoebe would paint growing up that lined the hallways of her home.

Kathryn's heart did that panging of complete disbelief with waves upon waves of overwhelming nostalgia. The scenery even smelled the same. The wind carrying the grass seeds, the dirt in the sun, home. The anomaly was trying to bring her home. Was it having that same effect on the rest of her crew? Were Chakotay and Neelix having vivid emotions concerning things closest to their hearts.

She went to press her comm badge when she noticed she was no longer wearing her Starfleet uniform. She was instead wearing a long skirt and white cotton top, not unlike an outfit she used to wear back on Earth. It felt familiar and looking down and feeling the fabric made her smile.

Janeway was trying to keep herself grounded somewhat and remind herself that this place wasn't her home but some sort of…. time trap. She couldn't help but smile broadly at the view that was laid around her when she noticed the fence that was close by. She became excited at seeing it and walked quickly to the field fence. She then noticed the house that was at the end of it- a house she knew so well.

Walking towards it her heart raced when she saw someone coming out of the front door onto the porch. A tall blonde.

"Seven!" She yelled starting to run as fast as she could before she could disappear. "Seven!"

Seven could see Kathryn running at her and leaped off the porch with long strides before they both were breathing heavily in front of each other.

"Is this where you've been? My childhood home?" Janeway asked catching her breath. "Are you hurt? Are you okay?" she reached out and grabbed Seven's hands and they were so soft and warm.

"I don't appear to look like my Borg self. I woke up close by in that grass and then…" Seven trailed off. "And then I found your mother in this house that seems to be your childhood home. Captain it is my fault for all of this." Seven said urgently.

"What do you mean?" Janeway asked holding Seven's hands more tightly.

"I believe it was the enhanced holodeck program I created. I wanted it to be more than an image. I wanted you to have the…feelings and the scent of your home in Indiana. I wanted to take you here once it was completed, but I made a mistake." Seven was stuttering like the Captain had never heard before.

"What are you saying? The scanner you made in the astrometric lab was to recreate…the past?" Janeway stared into Seven's face finding the light softly molding to her ivory cheeks.

"I believe it was that very program that harnessed the nebula. I had detected it months ago and found I could integrate it into a holo program that would be…more valuable to its users." Seven let go of Janeway's hands and turned around not facing her Captain.

"How did you harness it?" Kathryn walked around so Seven was facing her again placing her hands once again on Seven's.

"I believed these particular tachyon photons carry a light that is something I hadn't been familiar with until now."

Kathryn started to find the core of what Seven was telling her, but how she had even summoned it or created it wasn't the concern for her now. She pulled Seven's hands tighter and the traced her small hands up her arm and then to over her heart and rested on the side of her beautiful face.

"You created something to help the crew feel comfort again?"

"I created it for you…Kathryn." Seven and the Captain looked at each other as the wind whipped their hair around and the sun creeped closer to the horizon west of the house. The deep orange mingled with light pinks and purples and made the field look not unlike the nebula that had appeared outside of Voyager long ago- in a different realm.

Abandoning reserves regarding her status on Voyager, her career, her safely kept heart from hurt, Janeway leaned forward and kissed Seven's cheek tenderly. Her skin was warm, and she could almost feel it flushing the moment she touched her lips to it.

"Kathryn, this is the feeling I was speaking of." Seven whispered as the two women were as close as they could be while still looking each other in the eyes. Seven's face reddening.

"This is called love, Seven. I love you. I am an old tired woman, but I seem to love you more than I could possibly love someone. The day you were brought back from the collective and I saw your face for the first time, and I knew. I wanted you to be with us with me and to heal you. I wanted to heal you. I wanted to know everything about you. I get flustered even when I am in the same room as you, Seven. Like I can feel this…this…magnetic draw from you to me. Being here, with you, on this evening in this anomaly seems to prove something to me at least. You are my heart….and my home." Janeway was breathless with her proclamation and she looked for reciprocation from the woman holding her hands.

"The first time I… dreamed during waking hours… it was of you and I wasn't sure why. I conjured up meaningless scenarios where we would meet. It would make me feel something I had never felt before." Seven continued, "Lieutenant Torres explained to me that …. Two women in love wasn't an abnormality." She finished with adding, "I haven't seen anything of the sort aboard Voyager." She let go of Kathryn's hands and walked out into the field possibly feeling overwhelmed with the amount of information that was assimilating in her core.

Janeway walked after her with eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"It is just as common as a relationship between the opposite sex." She sighed a little trying to remember things she had learned from her sociology classes she had taken a decade ago. "I believe it was an outdated bigotry view that was prominent in the twenty-first century and back. Humans seemed to believe a god of some sort…frowned upon this kind of love." She approached Seven. "And I believe I've never felt this way towards a woman before, but I do love you. I want to love you beyond this. If you asked me to, I feel I could stay here in this field with you alone forever."

Seven turned around. The setting sun was close to burrowing behind the horizon. The sky's colors became more phantasmagorical and surreal beyond the conceivable. She quickly approached the Captain and then pulled her close and kissed her lips.

The moment encapsulated the emotion Seven had been feeling. They kissed tenderly and softly as Seven placed her hands tightly around Kathryn's waist. Her hands explored her back and grasped onto her hair and then cupped her face in her hands.

"I believe the correct response is I am in love with you too." Seven said smiling sadly. "I wish I would have said it sooner, and I'm sorry- 'her sentence was cut off as Kathryn kissed her more urgently. Exploring Seven's body more with a rising fever. She followed her hands along her back up to her shoulders and down he sides of her torso gently touching sensitive parts while her breath became more and more harsh.

Seven placed her hands in the center of Janeway's chest, "you heart rate is increasing are you okay?" She breathed heavily.

"You heart is too." Janeway placed her hand on the center of Seven's chest.

"I can't seem to be close enough to you." Seven said pulling her closer as Janeway's head rested on the top of Seven's tall shoulders.

Pulling back quickly Kathryn noticed her mother standing on the porch.

She let go of Seven and went towards her. "Mother!"

"Hey Katie." They hugged with full smiles. "I was wondering when you would finally get here."

"This is her, Mom, this is my Seven." Kathryn said looking at Seven who stood at the bottom of the steps with her hands crossed behind her back. Her hair glowing in the deep setting of the sun and her eyes glossy.

"We have met. I am so happy for you sweetie. She is such a lovely and kind girl." Her mom nodded at Seven who almost felt embarrassed.

"You have to go back honey." Mrs. Janeway said holding Kathryn's shoulders soundly. "You are needed."

"I miss you. I am home."

"Your home is on Voyager. With Seven." She nodded at the woman now stepping up onto the porch with both Janeway women.

"Captain I know how to get back to Voyager." Seven said with some trepidation.

Janeway turned around, "how?"

"I can't explain it. I only have to show you." Seven said shaking her head. Her blonde hair hung around her face covering her eyes. Janeway stepped forward and pulled it back over her ears.

"I believe you."

"Katie." Mrs. Janeway said.

"Mom."

"I love you so much and I am so very proud of you." She walked forward and pulled her daughter close and Kathryn hugged her mother tightly.

"I will come home. The real home and you can meet Seven." She said.

"Oh honey I already have." She smiled. "Go home to Voyager. Your friends and family need you to guide them." And with that Mrs. Janeway went inside the house.

"Kathryn." Seven held out a hand and Janeway grabbed it without question. "We need to go."

The sun had set fully, and the sky was brim full of stars. The deep setting sun was still crimson on the horizon.

"Wait." Janeway said. "When we go back…I can't be like this with you ever again." She had a longing in her eyes and an ambition. _Why can't we just stay here in this field forever._

"Captain. You are needed with your crew. I will still love you." Seven closed the gap between her and Janeway. "and we will be together wherever we are. I will follow you." She kissed Janeway softly again. "And if I can reconfigure my program, I can recreate this to some degree if you prefer to not be seen with me."

With that said Kathryn grabbed Seven's face, "I don't want to hide this because I don't think I will be able to. I can't control my feelings anymore and I can't pretend that acting like I don't love you will be plausible." She sighed one of those decisive sighs. "The crew of Voyager will accept this and if they aren't happy that their Captain has found love then they can speak to me directly about it so I can inform them that I am also a human and this relationship will have no impact on my ability to get them safely home." Kathryn stood almost growling as she spoke.

Seven contemplated this for a moment. Knowing that this decision was astronomical and detrimental to the Captains bearings on the crew and her residency as a Captain.

"Captain, we are far from home and babies have been born on Voyager. Naomi Wildman admires you and wants to be on the bridge. She has shown aptitude for space travel and has felt nothing but home on Voyager. It is the only home she has ever known." Seven said kissing the Captain on the forehead. "If it's the only home she knows why we can't we make it our home."

Seven guided Janeway towards the field they appeared in. The night sky flourished above them. The stars shown brightly in the dense Indiana sky. "Let's go home Kathryn."

They both went hand in hand towards the middle of the golden field that was illuminated from the stars and moon. Bathing in moonlight they kissed for a long time. Making each kiss and interaction last if it were the cure for mortality.

"Now hold onto me." Seven said closing her fingers around Janeway's waist. "And kiss me." She added.

Janeway moved under the shadow of Seven- her being so much shorter than Seven- she looked up into her eyes and sighed another sigh.

A ball of light formed between them. It's warmth and presence seemed to hold them steady.

"This is the anomaly I created…it holds light and the tachyons can transport." Seven said closing her hands more closely around Janeway's waist. "I love you."

They fell through time and space and the field and night sky evaporated submissively with the light emitting between them. They both held close to each other. Janeway looked into Seven's eyes with a purpose and desperation. This was their life together. She wasn't going to let anything take it from her.

"Close your eyes." Seven said.

Janeway did so and felt the matter around her scatter and disarray. It felt like being pulled through a dream quickly and she suddenly felt heavily tired with the journey.

Kathryn Janeway opened her eyes and she was in her quarters alone. Her body felt warmer than usual and her nightgown felt like it was just pulled from the dryer. She pulled herself out of her bed quickly searching for Seven.

"Computer locate Seven of Nine." She yelled to her empty room.

"Seven of Nine is regenerating in cargo bay three." It replied.

Janeway started searching for her clothes. Her Starfleet uniform laid carelessly on the floor bedside her bed. She put herself into her Captain uniform knowing that her crew would see her as this specific person. The person who was trying everything she could to get them home. As she put her comm badge on her chest she pulled her hands over her face, as if in an obscure reality.

She exited her quarters heading straight for the cargo bay Seven used to regenerate her Borg body. Her ship looked so like home but felt different this time. Its corridors felt more like hallways of a beloved school or home.

She passed a few crewmen and they all acknowledged her. She somehow felt more entitled to the role of Captain now that she had someone to love. Someone to fight for and love. She felt more like the rest of her crew.

She entered the cargo bay where Seven stood regenerating. She was in her bio-suit and her hair was up and her face was calm. Janeway took a moment to look at her completely before approaching her and touching her arm and she opened her eyes.

"Captain."

"Kathryn. Please call me Kathryn."

Seven stepped down from her regeneration station with a confused look on her face.

"What is it Seven?" Janeway stood holding her hands in front of her wanting to assess the situation fully.

"It was a long…strange dream. I was in a field like the one I was recreating, and you were there." Seven looked at the Captain. "I remember us…having relations for a moment. A moment in a place I had produced in a lab on this ship." Seven suddenly remembered.

"Seven it's okay." Kathryn said.

"No! It was my fault this nebula caused upset to this crew it is my fault." Seven stepped off her platform and walked towards the opposite end the Captain was standing.

"Do you remember anything? The field? Speaking to my mother?" Janeway said almost pleading. She should have apprehended this- Seven and she had both been inside something foreign. "Do you remember…the lights or the warmth?" Janeway asked almost pleading.

Seven cocked her head to one side and said almost blazingly, "I remember it all Kathryn."

Janeway catapulted into her arms and smelled her deeply. The kind of embrace you have after leaving a loved one for a long period of time or lose them completely.

Both held onto this embrace longingly. If it ever ended, they would end. If anyone walked through the doors it would end.

"Commander to Captain" the voice of Chakotay echoed in the cargo bay between the two women.

Janeway hesitated slightly.

"This is Janeway here go ahead."

"We have new readings from Kim and Paris. We might not be here much longer." His voice echoed off the walls of the expansive area.

Janeway and Seven were still holding each other tightly and quickly acclimating themselves to the life on Voyager and not in some anomaly reality.

"Be right there." She said.

"I am not sure what time has passed, Captain. They might not be aware of the time we have been away from voyager."

"So we have gone back in time? This is your creating as you say so what is your conclusion?" Janeway said not letting go of Seven.

Seven leaned in and kissed her hard. Her blonde hair was laying on her shoulders curling up towards her chin. Janeway brushed it behind her ear feeling the strands run through her small fingers.

"I believe we have…. arrived before I initiated this devise that sent us towards the nebula that caused the spatial rift." She leaned her forehead against Kathryn's. "I wanted to create an environment for us to hide in and I caused more problems than were needed for this crew. I would apologize but… I don't believe it will happen again. Since I will not initiate it." She sighed.

"Captain?" Chakotay's voice echoed again in the cargo bay.

"On my way Commander." She looked at Seven's face wanting to never leave her again. "Come with me to the bridge I can't let you out of my sight again." Seven smiled attempting to put her hair up. "and keep your hair like that. You look radiant." She planted a kiss on Seven's hand, and they walked towards the lift that would take them to the bridge.

Looking at Seven with a nod they both entered the bridge separately- letting their hands slide out of the other ones as the door opened.

"I hear there is news that I need to be aware of Mr. Kim and Mr. Paris?" She smiled widely and almost too much. There was a giddiness in her heart and that overpowering feeling of happiness. She hadn't felt this in so long.

Tom raised an eyebrow to Harry and they both cleared their throats. "Well I believe we will find our way out of this…part of space soon. I've detected life forms about three light years away from us. We should reach it soon. Two weeks probably. I was going to ask Seven of Nine if she could review my findings. She seems to have more uh accurate readings than I do." Tom smirked and looked at Seven. "Oh! Loving the new do Seven." He nodded at her hair. Harry smiled nodding his head down too while also not being able to contain it.

"Alright Paris take us there and thank you for the update. I have work to catch up on." Janeway added heading towards her ready room but not before grabbing Seven's hand. "I'll see you later…. Seven of Nine." Her eyes searched Seven's face pleading to find a way to not let her out of her sight.

"I will be in my regeneration chamber until you are finished Kathryn." Seven said placing her hand on the back of her head feeling so out of place with her hair down.

Janeway went into her ready room and Seven left the bridge.

"Wow." Tom said laughing.

"About fucking time." Harry said.

The rest of the crew on the bridge seemed to find this amusing as well.

"I could count the number of blonde hairs on the Captains uniform from here." Tom stood up chuckling.

"Let's keep this amusement minimal Lieutenant." Chakotay said giving stern looks to everyone. "Our Captain deserves our respect at all times and being mocked would likely send you to the brig."

"I can see her eyes rolling from here." Tom said resuming his post at the helm.

"My shift is up. May I be relieved Commander?" Harry asked Chakotay.

"Yes Ensign." He nodded as other crewmen filtered in for their respective shifts.

Harry left the bridge and started walking towards his quarters, but he wasn't tired. He had some time before he should really get serious about sleep. He started walking towards cargo bay three.

He entered the room seeing Seven standing under her regeneration area. Her face as calm and solemn as she always had. He wondered whether he should wake her or just let her regenerate more.

He decided to not let her sleep.

Touching her arm she woke looking at him in an almost disappointed way.

"Thought I would be someone else?" He asked smiling.

"I did think you might be someone else but your presence here isn't surprising." She said stepping down.

"I see you have finally expressed your feelings like we practiced." Harry said smiling widely. "I hope that your feelings were 'reciprocated'."

Seven thought on this for a moment longer than she normally would have. Kim had been a detrimental part of her transformation into a human and an enormous responsibility when it came to her and the feelings, she shared with him about Kathryn.

She smiled and looked down. "Yes ensign Kim it has been a busy evening. What has happened here on Voyager."

He seemed confused. "What do you mean 'here on Voyager' where have you been? Cloud nine?"

"Nothing. It's nothing. Yes I expressed my feelings and they were welcomed by the person I was expressing them to." Seven didn't know whether to start working or to wait for the Captain to come find her. She knew she didn't want to regenerate until her and Kathryn had more time together. This could be something of a trick or mind-altering reality. She didn't want anything to stop the trajectory. "and I thank you for your… assistance. I thank you for helping me Harry Kim."

Chakotay entered the Captains ready room with his hands behind his back. She was sitting at her desk analyzing data that she had missed in her brief absence.

"What do we know about this planet that Tom has found. Is it a place we can explore or is it uninhabitable?" She asked not looking up from her computer of multiple pads she had laid about her desk. She sipped on a large mug of coffee in concentration.

"He only knows what he told you. Further findings need to be analyzed by Seven of Nine when she is done regenerating…" He could see Kathryn's face flush when he mentioned Seven's name.

Kathryn looked up at him over her computer putting down the device in her hand.

"I'm sure she will find out what we need to know Commander. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me?" She sat up and walked around her desk leaving the multiple tasks she needed to accomplish abandoned.

"Are you finally there Kathryn? Are you happy?" He stepped forward.

She thought about this for a couple moments. She could hear the crew on the bridge laughing and talking. She could imagine them clicking away at their posts. Still feeling excitement over discovery. Still feeling ease at the daunting journey they had intrepidly journeyed on. She felt like she had been on such a journey that her crew must all feel the same evolution. The evolution of transformation into another person. Like turning an age into another decade. Like finding someone.

"I am, Chakotay. I am happy."

He paced forward and hugged her tightly and she pressed her face into his shoulder. "I don't know what I would do without you." She said.

"This work can wait Kat. We won't even need analysis for another two days. B'Ellana is modifying the warp core so we can move more quickly for home." He said brushing her hair out of her face. "You should rest… and bring someone with you. Hold this person like you will never let them go. Like it bangs on the heartstrings of you soul. Like it beckons you into somewhere unknown." His brown eyes shown brightly as he pulled a long blonde strand of hair off her shoulder. "Tell her everything you've ever thought." He added as he started to walk away from her.

Janeway stood silent for a long time after he left. She felt this new feeling in her stomach. A feeling of anticipation and relief. _I would so like to hold her close _she thought looking at the pile of work she had on her desk. _Chakotay was right though I guess it can wait for a while._

Janeway made her way out of her ready room and through the bridge as her crewmen smiled at her. She nodded back and left towards a lift that would take her to the cargo bay. As she waited for the lift to rise and open, she saw Seven standing there with her hair draped over her shoulders- almost like a blessing.

"I was just going to find you." Seven said quickly leaving the lift. "I thought we could spend more time together" and before she could finish her sentence the Captain was kissing her. Several crewmen walked past she could feel their footsteps. "Captain I thought you wanted..." Seven looked around ashamed.

"What I want is you." And she started to lead Seven towards her quarters.

The walk was long and urgent. Seven had to keep up with the Captains strides despite being much taller than her.

They entered the Captains quarters and Kathryn instantly turned toward Seven and kissed her with a fire that Seven hadn't felt yet. It made her limbs and face tingle and she kissed back hard.

Seven pushed Janeway up against the wall holding her arms against it. She once again explored her skin like she had in the field, but this was more erotic than anything she had imagined. Her lips traced the sides of her neck, her chest, her ears. She tasted her skin and bit her lips.

Kathryn stopped this fury and slowed it down. She started to unzip the uniform she was wearing and when she found it difficult Seven helped her pulling it down as her hands touched the warm skin that was shaking.

"Am I hurting you? Why are you shaking?" Seven asked suddenly.

Janeway breathed through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. "I am aroused and in love with you."

They kissed again more urgently.

Janeway's uniform fell to the floor and her body was exposed completely. She stood solidly letting this younger beautiful woman decide.

Janeway unclasped her bra and then pulled her undergarments down to the pile of clothes at her feet.

"This is what I look like." She said almost crying.

Seven looked at all parts of her body while welling up with thirst.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Janeway grabbed the back of Seven's biosuit and started to strip her of it.

Her skin was still adorned with signs of the Borg assimilations and it was tender to the touch to where Seven winced when her hands brushed against it.

"Am I hurting you?" Janeway asked.

"I have never had anyone touch these parts of my body. It is new." Seven said while her lips salivated. "I never want to have your hands away from my body."

Janeway pulled the suit down her entire body. There were no undergarments. She kissed along Seven's legs and up her torso up to the sides of her breast and then to her face.

"This is new to me too." She said heavily breathing. _This is a dream._

They stood there shed of clothing waiting for the other to make a move.

Janeway pressed her body against Seven's. Their skin was on fire and she could feel Seven's body quiver when she did so.

Placing her hands upon Seven's back she slowly led her towards her bed and Seven's hair bounced with each step. "Have I ever told you that your hair makes me alive. Just seeing you makes me alive. Just seeing you makes me alive." The Captain repeated finding speaking hard and kissed Seven's neck and bit her.

They fell ungracefully to the mattress and laughed. Seven pulled Janeway close and comfortable on the mattress and then looked out the windows.

Kathryn leaned up on her elbow along with Seven with their bodies close. Janeway could feel Seven's heart through her own chest.

"What are you thinking?" She asked touching Seven in any way she could. She couldn't stop.

Seven gazed out the window for a moment longer before looking into Janeway's eyes. "I am thinking how I don't know how to think at the moment." She kissed Janeway's eye lids softly. "I am thinking… I don't know." She ended grabbing Kathryn's back and pulled them closely together. "I am thinking I want to make love to you. I want to make you feel." And with that Seven held Kathryn from kissing her and slid her hands down touching her in her most soft parts. Kathryn exhaled and her heartrate accelerated.

"Does this make you feel?" Seven asked in a husky voice moving her hand hard between Janeway's legs.

Janeway laid on her back letting as Seven hovered over her while holding her head in her arm as her other hand rubbed back and forth. She began to sweat lightly while one hand was on each of Seven's.

She moaned harshly and Seven deepened her movements.

It had been years since Janeway had felt anything remotely erotic. Even with the man she had left when Voyager fell into the Delta Quadrant, she hadn't felt this. It felt like a warm bath rushing up and down her skin and her eyelids lowered as she grunted looking up at Seven's eager face. Janeway put her fingers over Seven's chest. Pinching in parts that made Seven's face moan which only made Janeway reach climax as she kissed Seven and yelled in exasperation.

Rolling Seven onto her back Janeway held her body over her. The wetness from her legs transferred to Seven's.

"I don't ever want you to stop Kathryn." Seven said.

Janeway kissed Seven's cheeks. Her sides. Her belly. Her hips. She melted into Seven's core and kissed each finger she had. She made her way between Seven's legs and kissed. He soft area was swollen and Seven pressed her hips up towards Kathryn's face as she kissed it.

Janeway had reached up and held onto Seven's torso and she increased her movements until she climaxed. A sound Janeway hadn't heard from her beautiful mouth.

She crawled up and her and Seven kissed breathing heavily as their bodies melted together. Janeway's mouth was wet and she bit Seven's upper lip.

They continued to touch each other until they both were exhausted.

Seven was breathing heavily. Her hair damply draped over one side of her face as she closed her eyes and kissed Janeway's hands that were touching her lips.

"I love you." Kathryn said.

"I love you." Seven said opening her eyes fully and looking deeply into her eyes.

"I can't believe someone as beautiful as you… could love someone like me." Janeway said sighing and sitting up in the bed. She pulled the covers over her legs and then over Seven.

"I don't understand. Why is it you are so opposed to us loving each other?" Seven asked curling up under the blanket.

"Because. I am… old. I am not as beautiful as you are. You could have someone so much better. Someone who isn't as old or worn down as me." Janeway said almost crying eyeing Seven up and down.

Seven thought about this statement.

"Why is our amounted time being alive have anything to do with love?" Seven sat up pulling her damp hair out of her face. "Is this some other human emotion I haven't encountered yet?"

"No. No. It's just that … age seems to play a large part in relationships for humans." Janeway said inching closer to Seven again with her hands upon Seven's hip.

"Does age seem to have an effect on this arousal?" Seven asked pushing Janeway's hand down between her legs. "You are what you say _beautiful_. Seeing you face makes me…" And she pushed Janeway's hand again into her.

Kathryn kissed Seven and made love to her again. They spoke between it. Laughing and learning about each other. There was no object of time since there was no sun to rise.

They laid there silently holding one another when finally- Janeway's comm badge rang out.

"Paris to Captain."

It pulled both Seven and Janeway out of their dream. They sat up and before Janeway went grabbing her comm badge she cleared her throat and Seven laughed. She laughed heartily with her lips showing her teeth as she rolled over onto her back.

"What is so funny?" Janeway said grabbing Seven's torso and tickling.

"You are preparing to speak to someone as if you are nervous." Seven said caressing Janeway's face. "It seems _funny_ to me." She kissed her.

"Paris to Captain." Tom said again. You could hear it in his voice. He knew.

"Janeway here what is it Tom." Janeway said chuckling as she held onto Seven's warm body.

"You're needed on the bridge… Captain." He added cockily.

"Be there soon Lieutenant."

Janeway looked at Seven. Her porcelain body laying next to her in these sheets that were under the infinite cosmos.

"I have to go be a Captain." Janeway said.

Seven sat up and started to exit the bed.

"Wait why are you leaving?" Janeway held onto her arm.

"Aren't you needed on the bridge, Captain?"

"Yes."

"Then I want to join you. I find it hard to be apart from you now. I'm not sure what I would do to pass the time. I'd rather be of assistance." Seven started towards the door where he biosuit lay. Her naked body was glowing in the starlight and before she could start to dress Janeway approached her.

"You need to regenerate. When is the last time you did?" She handed Seven her biosuit.

Seven thought and then said, "I just did."

They both looked at one another smirking until Seven jerked her outfit out of Janeway's hand and started to put it on. Janeway also grabbed her clothes and began to put them on finding the distance between her and Seven was unbearable.

As if reading her mind Seven said, "I am not going anywhere. I am going with you."

They both were fully dressed as they went to leave Janeway's quarters.

"Let's go then I guess." Janeway said.

"Where you go, I go Captain."

_**END PART ONE.**_


End file.
